Hamptons to Forget
by MzGG
Summary: takes place after 2x17. blair leaves to the hamptons, she wants to leave everything behind and figure out how she really feels. what will happen when she realizes that she lost everything? C/B
1. Escape

**Note: This is my first fanfic ever so please be nice :) i don't have an idea how this will end up or what will follow this chapter so i could really need your help... tell me what you think :)**

**oh and this isn't betad and English is not my mother tongue... so sorry for the mistakes, if someone would like to beta my story... that would be wonderful :)**

**disclaimer: i don't own gossip girl or the characters **

**Prolog**

"Look S, I just have to leave town for awhile, a few days no longer."

"But why, B", Serena van der Woodsen asked her best friend.

"I can't explain right now… please just try to understand. I have to figure out some- stuff and I have to be alone, at least for a couple of days. Do you think I could stay at your house in the Hamptons?"

"Yeah…sure. Wait a minute I'll ask my Mom."

"Serena, hold a second!" Blair cried in her cell.

"What is it?" her BFF asked worriedly.

"Could you please not tell her, that I'll be staying at your house? I don't want him, I don't want anyone to find out about it…"

She didn't have to explain who "him" was. "Please" she added.

"…"

"S?!"

"Okay, but you have to promise me something."

"Name it."

"Promise me, you'll call at least once a day."

"I promise."

"Promise me, you'll call me if you need me."

"I promise."

Serena sighed in relief.

"And S? Thanks for everything."

The line went dead.

Blair Waldorf stood in front of the huge Van-Der-Bass summer residence and tried hardly to push away all those painful memories, but she just couldn't.

It didn't matter how hard she tried, she just had to close her eyes and she saw his face, she saw him with those whores in his father's office, she heard his words ringing in her ears, they followed her, wherever she went. They made it impossible to sleep, to talk, to plot, to **breathe** without thinking about him.

She lost everything.

Well, she got back into Yale, but she lost everything else, her best friend, even though Serena would deny it, she was unhappy over losing Lonely Boy, and it was Blair's fault.

Her father, he finally saw the girl she really was, not some innocent little puppy, but the bitch and he was disgusted by her.

She lost Chuck, the one she loved, maybe he couldn't admit his feelings, maybe he didn't love her at all, but she did love him and she couldn't fight that feeling, she just had to find a way to live with it.

Right now she just wanted to forget, she wanted to forget this whole mess, she wanted to forget what she did, to herself, to others and to him, though he deserved it… perhaps.

Blair wanted to be perfect again, but she didn't know if she could be that anymore, or if she was already too messed up to be fixed again."

"Yeah" she muttered under her breathe "I'm messed up and the only one who could fix me, doesn't give a damn because I told him to…"

She slowly breathed in and out.

"Yeah, I should be so lucky…"


	2. Oblivion

**AN: This still isn't betad so I apologize for the mistakes****…**

**And please, please, please review… I'm new here and I don't know what I'm doing I NEED your help!**

**Chapter 1**

"_The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have…" Anonymous_

The house was empty, as empty as she was. Nothing left to fill the emptiness, the furniture was useless, the walls couldn't protect her from the pain, and nothing could fill that space in her heart, nothing but him.

"I miss you," she whispered and leaned against the wall. The tears began to run down her cheeks and she didn't try to stop them, she knew they wouldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried.

He leaved her, well she told him to, but she never expected that he would leave her alone, she thought that he would fight for her come what may, and that he would finally tell her those three words she needed to hear

.

A simple "I love you, too" was all she needed to hear, unfortunately nothing was ever simple on the Upper East Side, especially for them.

They were Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck they were raised to the king and queen of Manhattan, they were meant to be plotting and hurting other people's feeling. They were perfect for another but instead of being happy; they always ended up hurting each other.

It was hopeless.

Everything was hopeless, she lost everything- again. And without him she had no one to turn to and her best friend surely wouldn't fight with her again, not until that last cat fight had ruined her relationship and left her broken hearted.

No, there was no one left to help Blair, even her one father just discovered the bitch she really was. And Nate? Well, the barely spoke to each other since the funeral… they barely spoke to each other since the break up. They avoided each other and when they met it was because of Serena or… Chuck.

Hope… that is quite a big word for those who had no hope left… and she was one of them, there was no hope for her anymore, she had discovered the greatest thing on earth, love and then the lost it, again and again. And she couldn't fight for her happiness anymore; maybe it would be easier to forget everything. It was like lying in the bath cup and then you duck and the water will make you forget everything it's a wonderful feeling, you feel so safe and loved.

Oblivion sounds always encouraging and right now it was everything she wanted or at least everything she wanted that she could get. It's easy to forget, you take a few pills, a bottle of scotch (in this case it had to be scotch it couldn't be any other way- there had to be a sign) and then you swallow it.

"It sounds easy, it sounds good, it sounds like the right thing to do", she spoke to herself quietly.

"And I won't be a burden anymore, never again, they will be happy without me, they will forget me and they will live on, without me to hurt and disappoint them," she added.

And she wouldn't feel that pain, which was growing with every minute that passed by.

"I won't hurt them and I won't feel anything… yeah that sounds perfect", she thought.

There was only one little, tiny voice inside of her head, which kept whispering: "What if it isn't perfect? What if you're not meant to be perfect for yourself… just for him?"

It was too easy to bland the voice out.

**Review? I would love your for that!!!! And I need them I don't know if it's okay…**


	3. nightmare vs reality

**AN: It's a bit AU, but stretch your imaginations ;)**

**Chapter 2 (nightmare vs. reality)**

Blair sat at a desk and kept staring at a blank paper.  
Suicide letter… she always cried in movies when someone wrote a suicide  
note and she knew she would be crying during writing her own ones, too.  
It sounded so weird, she would write her notes and then she would swallow the  
pills and the scotch and she would just disappear from this world.

"How might heaven be? Who am I kidding? All the bad things I've done I'm definitely hell bound."  
She was scared but there were a lot of things Blair Waldorf was scared of,  
she just didn't let anyone see she was scared, she pretended to be strong  
and invincible.

But inside she was just a little girl, who was afraid of the dark and of  
loneliness. Since she's been a little girl she was afraid of being left  
alone and now her biggest nightmare had become a reality, she kept screaming for  
help, but no one came to rescue her, she wanted to wake up so badly, but she  
just couldn't, no matter how hard she fought.

She was lost in the nightmare that was her life and without someone to turn  
to she took the way, which seemed the easiest one. The easiest one but surely  
not the best…  
She sighed and let a single tear fell.

_Daddy,_

_When you read this, I'll be dead. You will ask why… but I can't  
tell you, I don't really know myself. It's like there's something  
inside of me, which is growing with everything second, it's growing while  
I'm writing this and it feels like I'm dying inside, as it's only aim  
is to hurt me, to destroy my life. I tried to fight, Daddy, I did but it's  
stronger than me…_

_I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm sorry I couldn't be the daughter you  
wanted me to be, I'm sorry you're disgusted by me…  
I'm sorry I wasn't perfect…  
But I tried; I tried to be perfect for you, so you could be proud of me… I  
am so sorry that I failed and that I couldn't be like one of the princesses  
you told me about when I was little.  
I wasn't the daughter I should have been,  
I will always love you Daddy,_

_Blair._

"What am I doing?" she sobbed.  
She crossed her arms at the table and buried her face in them and just cried,  
until she felt empty. She knew the pain would come back, she  
knew she had to do something…  
She took another piece of paper and wrote down seven short lines, but these  
lines included all of her heart.

_Chuck,_

_I'm sorry for everything.  
You deserve much better.  
Forget me.  
I will always love you,_

_Blair_

_Ps. Please look after Serena and Nate they need someone._

Then she stood up and went to the bar –almost blind of all the tears that  
kept streaming down her face.  
Almost blind… but she found the bottle of scotch and the pills, she  
needed…

**Review?!**

**And a special thanks to Kay for the beta ;)**


	4. Pretend

**AN:**** A little bit about Chuck…  
Thank you for your reviews guys ;)  
Happy readings!**

**Chapter 3 (Pretend)**

"What can I do for you, sister dearest?" Chuck Bass asked as he answered his cell

"Have you heard from Blair?"

"Well, hello to you too. I know that you missed me and I'm sorry, but I'm on my way home…"

"Chuck this is not funny. I haven't heard from Blair and she promised me she would call me once a day, she turned her phone off and I can't reach her."

His eyes narrowed and he answered: "Well, she won't answer my calls either, the last time I tried to talk to her, she through my roses back in my face."

"Besides, why are you so concerned, I'm sure she'll call you soon" he added, "Where is she anyway?"

"The Hamptons, she told me she had to figure out some stuff, asked me if she could stay at our house, I haven't heard from her since. I'm really worried, Chuck."

"You know Blair, she probably wants to be alone and right know she's watching her whole Audrey Hepburn Collection."

"No Chuck, you don't understand, she's been through a lot lately, which is your fault. Well, part of it. And if you really think that she wouldn't call me, then you clearly don't know her."

"I'm pretty sure I know her better than you do, or should I say parts of her?"

"You're disgusting. I don't even know why I'm talking to you."

"Why are you talking to me?" he asked.

"Maybe because you're the only one who could help."

She sighed helpless.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Chuck. You can be a really decent person sometimes, now hurry up, you owe her…"

He hung up without a response. Women; he rolled his eyes.

As much as he pretended to be not worried about her, he was…

Serena was right, he owed Blair, she's done so much for him and he didn't even thanked her, now it was his turn, whatever she was going through, he would stand by her through anything.

He picked up his phone and called speed dial number one.

He heard it ringing, so her phone was clearly not off but no one answered and it went straight to voicemail.

"This is Blair's voicemail- you know what to do.

Oh and if you're Chuck Basstard, than don't you dare leave me a message!"

He sighed; she was as sweet as always.

"Blair? It's me Chuck… the Basstard. I'm sorry to disturb you, but S is really worried because you're not answering your phone, and I'm worried, too.

So would you please call me or Serena? Please Blair."

He hungup.

Moments later it was vibrating. He looked at the ID.

_Blair is calling_. He sighed in relief, so nothing had happened, thank god.

"Blair finally", he answered the call.

"…"

"Blair?!"

There was no answer.

"Blair, would you please talk to me? I know I made some stupid mistakes, I know I hurt you, but could you just forgive me? Please! I… I need you, B."

The line went dead.

"Fuck", he screamed and hit the limo wall a couple of times until his fist hurt.

What was he supposed to do? Run after her? Again? Fight for her? Or should he give up and let her move on? He didn't know- all he did know was that what he told her was the truth, he needed her, and he was sure that she needed him, too.

He called Serena.

"So what are you going to do?" she answered after the first ring.

"I'll go and get her."

**AN:**** So what do you guys think will happen? Will Blair do it? Will Chuck save her? The next chapter isn't written yet, so I'm waiting for your wishes ;) That means: REVIEW?!**

**And again thanks to Kay for the beta :)**

.


	5. Hunch

**AN:**** I'm so sorry; I know I promised I would update on Thursday but I was so busy with school and everything :(  
um I know this one is again very short, but I didn't want to keep you waiting… the next chapter will be posted tomorrow, I promise! Oh and thank you for your amazing reviews, they really make my day! Did I mention that I hate Valentine's Day?**

"_Where were you, when everything was falling apart.  
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang  
And all I needed was a call that never came  
To the corner of 1st and Amistad_

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late, you found me, you found me."

_The Fray, You found me_

"Mr Bass, we're here", Arthur's voice interrupted his thoughts and Chuck pushed his daydream beside and concentrated on the reality.

He stepped out of the car.

The Hamptons, the perfect place for a nice holiday, a party holiday of course.

The summers in the Hamptons were always classy but the spring was almost more beautiful. Everything awoke again, there was life, and there was beauty. Suddenly he could see all of this, before Blair entered his life, really entered his life he couldn't see those things, when he abanoded her at the helipad he thought he lost her. But now he could see it, the beauty and the life and he noticed how much Blair and the Hamptons were alike, you were used to them, you couldn't see how wonderful they were until you lost them and opened your eyes for the beauty, the brilliancy, which was right in front of you.

"I can't lose her again", he muttered to himself.

He looked at the white house, which belonged to him. Well, there were a lot houses that belonged to him, but right know he just cared about this single one.

She was in there, and he needed her.

He needed her to listen to him, he needed her to forgive him, and he needed her to love him…

He missed her, more than anything he lost, he missed her the most.

He pretended he didn't need her, he pretended that he didn't want her to play wife, truth was he wanted her to be, not yet, but in the future. She was the only one he could imagine to live with, she was the only one he couldn't lose, but he lost her and he would do everything to win her back. She was the peace that could fill the emptiness of his heart, she was his everything, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to tell her he loved her.

Yes, Chuck Bass loved Blair Waldorf, deeply and unconditionally.

He took a deep breath and opened the door.

He inhaled the air; there was a light scent of Channel No. 5. She was definitely there…

He sighed, "I missed that scent."-But not nearly as much as he missed her.

There was a familiar suitcase near the steps, it was untouched and that was strange, he knew Blair nearly as well as he knew himself, maybe he knew her even better than himself and she was always organized, always on time and she hadn't even unpacked, that was not like her.

What did he miss? A few chapters of the book that was called her life?

That was when he saw the envelope at the side table

_Dear Lover_

Lover? Which Lover? There wasn't anyone who would fit into that, Blair hasn't date a single man since Marcus, and this was clearly her handwriting. Wait could she mean him?

He ripped the envelope and the letter fell to the ground, he lifted it and looked confused at the lines, he didn't know what he was supposed to think, when he read the headline.

_Chuck,_

I'm sorry for everything.  
You deserve much better.  
Forget me.  
I will always love you,

Blair

_P.S. Please look after Serena and Nate they need someone._

What?

What the hell was that? Did she leave for France? Did she really run away without even saying Goodbye?

How could she do that, to Serena, to her Mom, to Nate… to him…?

She couldn't run away, she couldn't stay away from him; she couldn't leave him like this, without a chance to win her back.

It was the P.S that made him understand, that she didn't plan to run away, but that she planned something worse.

"Shit!" he didn't even noticed he cried out loud.

He ran up the stairs taking two steps a time and stumbled more than once, because he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe he had a hunch what was waiting for him upstairs and that thought made his blood freeze.

"Blair," he screamed as he pushed the guestroom door open.

It was empty.

**Review?!**** Did you like it or hate it?**

**And thanks again to Kay for the beta :)**


	6. Untitled

**AN: ****Yeah I updated :) kept my promise *cheer***

**But actually this kind of sucks… it is more or less a filler chapter until we get to the really interesting part, so please try to understand…**

**Once more a thank you note: thanks Kay for your beta-ing and all of you who reviewed, your reviews make my day and I really appreciate them ;)**

**Chapter 5 Untitled**

The room was empty.

"Shit!" he said to himself.

"I need to think…"

But he couldn't think, his head was empty, his brain quit, there was nothing left in his head, nothing but the view of her face, nothing but the sound of her voice, nothing but the ring of her laughter… nothing but the scent of her skin.

He went to the bed and stroked over the sheets, there were too many memories, they had spent parts of their summer holidays in this house since they were 12 years old. She had always slept in this room, in this bed, this room was made for her, it was as classy as she was, it was even filled with her scent.

What her scent?

He noticed the bottle of Channel No. 5 at the side table…

"She IS here", he whispered.

And without noticing he rushed out of the guestroom and nearly felt as he made his way to his own room.

He pushed the door open and stumbled as he entered.

She was there; she lay on his bed, it seemed so familiar.

"Blair?" he asked.

She didn't answer.

He slowly moved forward, he didn't want to scare her, truth was that he was scared; scared that she would yell at him, scared that she did something to herself; scared that it was his fault.

"Blair?!" he asked again, this time louder, he was begging her to wake up.

He made his way to the bed and turned her around.

She was cold and her chest wasn't rising, her face was too pale and her lips so blue, unlike Blair's natural ruby lips.

"Oh my god."

He brought his hand to her pulse and felt a small beat. It wasn't much but it was something.

He searched for her cell phone and nearly stumbled about an empty bottle of scotch.

It nearly made him laugh, a bottle of scotch, she didn't even like scotch, and she always said it wasn't classy enough for her, she would never drink scotch, she was the type of girl, who preferred Gin.

It was insane to think about this right know, but he couldn't help himself, he knew that this fucking bottle of scotch was a sign; a sign for him; a sign that he hurt her too much.

He found her cell and dialed a number, a number he hoped to never have to call.

"This 911, what is your emergency?" a woman's voice answered.

Chuck couldn't speak, it was like the fear sealed his mouth, he could barely breath and he breathed to fast.

"Hello?" the woman's voice asked.

He scoffed and nearly hyperventilated.

The woman at the other line must have heard him.

"Sir?" she asked. "I need you to calm down, and tell me what's happening, tell me where are you right know, just breath it will help. Breath in and out, again and again."

Chuck followed her instructions and he slowly could speak again, he fought against the lump in his throat and said: "My friend she… I think she overdosed."

His voice was raspy and throaty.

"She isn't responding and there are empty pills bottles and an empty bottle of scotch."

"Where are you?" she asked

Chuck gave her the address.

"Alright Sir, the ambulance it on its way, it won't take long until they'll arrive until then I'll staying on the line with you."

"Thank you", Chuck whispered.

"Okay sir, is she breathing?"

"Yes, barely but she is breathing."

"Did you check for a pulse? If so I'm going to need you to check again."

"Okay." Chuck answered and checked her wrist. He didn't feel anything.

"I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING", he screamed.

"Sir, please calm down, where'd you check?"

"On her wrist", Chuck tried to calm himself down, but he couldn't all he could think about was Blair and what his life would be without his strong, beautiful, classy beloved.

"Okay, now check on her neck."

"I can feel it", he sighed in relief.

"Good", the woman answered.

That was when he heard the ambulance arriving.

**well I said this would kinda suck… sorry again :D but please review and leave some comments on how you would like the story to go on, I hadn't had time to write the next part, yet :( I know I'm terrible… feel free to hate me… or maybe not^^**

**So feedback is as always loved, and I will reply to everyone asap…**

**Love you guys!**


	7. Memories

**AN: I know Chuck's Mom died as she gave birth to him, but in my story she died when he was 9… so please stretch your imaginations.****  
so this took a little long but it wasn't my fault, as you maybe know ;)  
oh and as always: thanks to the amazing Kay for her beta-ing!**

**Dedication: This is dedicated to kiki08 because of her amazing reviews :)**

Chuck Bass sat in an uncomfortable green plastic chair in the hospital waiting room. He didn't move a single finger and kept starring at the cold, white walls, but inside he was spinning.

He couldn't think, he was about to lose everything and he couldn't handle that.

"I hate hospitals", he whispered.

The last time he was in one of them he had been 9 years old, scared as hell and Blair had been with him to support him.

"_Mr Bass?" a nurse asked his father._

_She was dressed in a thick, green hospital gown. Chuck would never forget that specific green, it was that green, which you only in see in hospitals, which reminds you of vomit and which we all try to forget as soon as possible, but in every single nightmare it's following us, it predicts dead and agony, it's a bad omen._

"_Charles would you leave us alone?" his father asked him- his voice was hard._

_He just nodded._

_He walked down a long corridor and he could feel the agony of other people, it was much more present than his own agony. He wasn't the type of person who showed his feelings to random people, he never learned that, he hid his feelings it was better that way._

"_Chuck!" he heard somebody shouting._

_He turned around. Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald entered the corridor, his best friends, he was grateful that they were there._

"_What are you guys doing here?" he asked them nearly soundless._

"_Don't show your feelings!" he reminded himself as he fought the tears that were about to stream down his cheeks._

"_What do you mean, man?" Nate asked._

_Chuck didn't answer._

"_We're here for you", Blair said, she searched in his eyes for the words; she knew he would never admit. And she found them, Chuck Bass might be a great actor, but she could read him like an open book, he couldn't keep any secrets from her, they were too much alike. They were Chuck and Blair- Blair and Chuck, together they were invincible._

_She reached for his hand but Chuck pulled away._

_He couldn't let them help him because they would leave him, everyone left him. _

"_Chuck it's okay" Nate said and laid his hand on his best friend's shoulder." Come on, let's go."_

_He pushed his friend in direction of the waiting room._

_Chuck stopped as he saw his father, he sat in one of the plastic chairs, his head buried in hands and it sounded like he was crying._

_The three kids stopped suddenly and stared at "Big Bad Bart" the man everyone was scared of, of whom everyone thought he wasn't a human-being and now he sat in front of them crying. _

_Bart looked up and found Chuck's glare._

"_She's dead", Bart whispered more to himself than to his son. "You're mother's dead."_

_And then he stood up and left the room, just as he was embarrassed that the kids had seen him crying, as he was afraid to show his feelings._

"_Oh god", Chuck heard Blair whispering._

_He didn't say anything, he didn't even think anything, he just felt numb, as if the most important part of him had been cut off and now he was bleeding._

_Is there a difference between a leg and heart bleeding?_

_There surely is! You could never compare the pain of a bleeding leg with the pain of a bleeding heart. If you fall and you're hurt it just takes a blow or a patch to make it better, but if your heart gets hurt, it feels like there's nothing, which can make it better. There's nothing and no one who can stop the bleeding. A broken, a hurt heart needs the best doctor, a doctor you can't pay with money, it needs the most famous healer- it needs time._

"_Nathaniel Archibald!" a female voice interrupted the silence._

_They looked at Anne Archibald, who was making her way down the corridor and crashed through the doors. "I've been searching for you everywhere."_

_She looked down at Chuck and he could see pity in her eyes._

_He hated pity!_

"_My deepest condolences Chuck", she mumbled and lifted Nair from his chair "I'm sorry but we have to leave."_

_Chuck just nodded; he was somehow glad that he didn't have to deal with his best friend right now._

"_You coming, Blair?" Nate asked._

_To Chuck's surprise Blair shook her small head. "No, my parents are in Paris, and I don't want to leave Chuck alone."_

_Nate's eyes widened in surprise, but he said nothing but "Okay" and left, his mother right by his side._

_Mother…_

_The tears were burning behind Chuck's eyes._

"_You really want to stay?" he asked Blair and tried really hard to control his shaking voice._

"_Yeah", she said as she gripped his hand._

_He wanted to pull away, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to grieve, but he couldn't as long as she was there, he couldn't show her how hurt he was, he couldn't show his feelings, he wanted her to leave- but she didn't let go of his hand._

"_Shhh", she hushed. "It's okay."_

_And suddenly he collapsed. He let his tears stream and he sobbed, he could not control himself anymore, he couldn't hide his feelings, so he gave in and let his feeling overwhelm him._

_And she didn't let go of his hand, as she hugged him and carefully stroked over his back._

"_I'm sorry", he said._

"_It's okay", was her simple answer. There was pity in her voice, but he didn't even care, because he noticed another thing, he noticed that he needed her and that she would always be there for him, he noticed that no matter what he was going through, Blair Waldorf would stand by him through anything._

_That was the day Chuck Bass realized that he loved his best friend's girlfriend._

"_Oh my", he whispered, but it was drowning in his sobs._

"Excuse me Sir?" a blond nurse stood in front of him.

He looked at her and raised one of his brows questioningly.

"Yes?"

"Did you accompany the young lady?" she clearly tried to be as polite as possible and she tried to flirt with him, but he didn't care, there was only one woman he was interested right now…

"Yes…"

"Here are some forms we need you to fill out, what's the patient's name?"

"Blair… Blair Bass."

"And what's your name?" she asked.

"I'm Chuck Bass."

"So she's your sister?"

"No… no, she's my wife" he told her.

"So how is she? Is she okay?" he interrupted her, as she wanted to ask something else.

"We don't know yet, right know her stomach is being pumped, we might know after that procedure."

Chuck nodded.

The nurse left the waiting room and he exited right after her.

As he stood in front of the hospital, he pulled out his cell and made a call, he surely didn't want to make.

She picked up on the first ring.

"Chuck?" she asked.

"Yes", was his simple answer.

"Did you find her? What happened? Can I speak to her?"

"Serena… look I don't know how to say this", he tried to begin but his voice was too throaty.

"Well, what is it? Chuck, what's wrong?"

"It's Blair", he sighed.

"Chuck, tell me, is she okay? Did anything happen? I swear to god, if you don't tell me right now, I will make you regret this for the rest of your life…"

"I- I- I think she overdosed… I found her in my bedroom, she took several pills and swallowed them with scotch…" after the first few words it was suddenly easy, too easy somehow.

There was silence at the other line, then he heard as Serena started to cry.

"Oh god… I shouldn't have let her go, I should have been there for her, Chuck this is my fault", she sobbed.

"No Serena, this is my fault, I destroyed her, she told me she loved me and I threw it back in her face… I destroyed the one person I ever truly loved", he whispered it so low, that she barely understood him.

"Chuck, please don't do this to yourself, don't do this to her, she needs you to be strong because she can't be right now, we have to pull ourselves together, no matter how hard it seems, we have to!"

"Sis? I think I'll go and check on her now, I'm kind of scared because you're getting close to be wiser than I am and that's against nature", he tried to joke, but his voice was still very throaty and it hurt worse with every word he said, but he was numb, he barely felt the pain.

"If she wakes up before I'll arrive… tell her, tell her- just tell her I say hi."

Chuck understood that she wanted Blair to know that she wasn't alone…

"I'll do. Oh and Serena? Please call Nate and Harold, okay? I think they should know, oh and when you'll arrive at the hospital, ask for Blair Bass", he ended the call.

Serena van der Woodsen stared quietly at her phone, still confused that her stepbrother had hung up without any explanations or other begs. She somehow understood him in a way, she never did before, she knew how worried he was, she knew how he felt about Blair, she knew how much he cared for her, even though he never told her, she knew it because his eyes spoke their one language, a language that didn't words, but it was clearer than any other language in the world. They say a picture says more than a thousand words, maybe they are right, but in this saying there is something missing- the meaning of looks, the power of looks, the language of looks.

Chuck never told Serena that he loved Blair, he never had to, the moment she noticed the way he looked at her, she knew it and that wasn't in Junior Year, that was a long time ago, the noticed that Chuck Bass loved Blair Waldorf, when they were nine years old, the noticed that look at his mother's funeral. He didn't cry at that day, he was supposed not to, after all he was a Bass, and Basses didn't cry- at least not in public.

So there were no tears in his eyes, but that wasn't what confused her the most- she knew how much Chuck loved his mother, so she had expected him to cry- the was confused by the way Chuck looked at Blair and that he didn't let go of her hand, no matter how concerned Eleanor stared in their direction.

"Poor Chuck", she whispered as she opened her cell and called a very familiar number.

"Nate? It's me, S. I need your help… could you come to the Hamptons with me? We forgot something important there…"

**AN:**** So what do you think? You hate it? Love it?**

**Please review and tell me how to go on… thanks :D**


	8. Blair Bass wing

**AN: ****I'm so sorry this took so long but I have exams weeks and I am horrible busy :( and then my beta Kay went ill, let's hope she'll get better soon! Thank you for your reviews, you are all awesome. You guys totally make my days with your sweet words :)**

**Happy readings!**

**Chapter 7**

"Excuse me, please. Do you have any news on my… wife's condition?" Chuck asked the blond, athletic nurse from before. The word "wife" didn't feel uncomfortable; it felt familiar, and it felt good- maybe.

The nurse turned around and looked at him in a typical "I want him, I want him not" look, well he didn't care.

"Blair Bass, right?" She asked.

"Yes!" he said impatient.

She thought about that a second, to Chuck it seemed too long.

"No Sir, I'm sorry but I do not have any news, we're still running some tests on her, I'm afraid you won't be allowed to see her for the next hour" she told him, as she was about to hurry down the corridor to help someone else in need.

"Wait!" Chuck called.

She turned around and raised her brows in a soundless question.

"Yes, Sir?"

"When you're done with your tests, then put her into a room for herself", he demanded.

The nurse was about to open her mouth to say something.

"It doesn't matter how much it costs", he interrupted her.

She looked at him in a very concerned way, as if he would jump up and murder half of the hospital.

That was ridiculous. Chuck Bartholomew Bass wouldn't murder anyone; he would hire someone else to do that for him.

"I'll see what I can do", the nurse said and ran away. Chuck didn't try to stop her this time.

He had to make a call, he had to make sure that the hospital would get a huge amount of money; maybe they could build a Blair Bass wing?

**************************************xoxo************************************

A while later Chuck was sitting in the waiting room again, he was sick and tired of waiting, all he wanted to do was to be near to Blair, even if she was still unconscious, he should be there, he HAD to be there.

Chuck always considered himself a strong, independent and a womanizer, but that was before he learned that he was nothing of that, he wasn't the jackass he showed everyone else. he was a hurt little boy, who felt he was alone while standing in a huge crowd of people and he had never been enough for his father. Of course he was an only child, and he was spoiled as hell, but the only thing he had ever truly wanted to get, seemed unattainable- love.

So he tried to shut people out, out of his heart, so that nobody could break it- again.

They say that you can't break a broken heart, well they're wrong, if your heart is broken it CAN break again, first you have two pieces, it's not that hard to fix that, you just need a little glue, the glue is called love and revenge.

But if your heart is broken twice than you have more than two pieces, you have four, it is harder to fix a broken heart which was broken apart into four pieces and if you break that broken heart again, the pieces will get smaller and smaller. it's hard to fix a heart which had been broken about a million times, it's hard but it can be done.

Blair Waldorf fixed Chuck's heart, before she ripped it out of his chest, put it in again and left it there, crying and longing for her love.

he did the only thing he could think of while trying to ignore the pain. he tried to make her feel the same way, he tried to hurt her just as much as she had hurt him. then he noticed that with hurting her he was actually hurting himself, because he wanted her to be happy. he wanted the best for her and he didn't believe he was the best for her, she deserved better so he left- and came back, And then he screwed up again.

She gave him more chances than he could count and every time he screwed up, but he was ready to make it up to her, he was ready to make it right, he was ready to be the man she deserved, he was ready…

And now he was praying that she would be okay, though he wasn't religious he closed his eyes and said: "Please if you're there, if you're hearing me, then help her, please! She's everything I have left!"

Maybe it helped, he didn't know, but he felt like a burden was lifted from his shoulders.

**********************xoxo************************

The minutes passed and still no news on Blair's condition. Chuck sat in the waiting room and stared wholes in the wall.

Then he felt his cell phone vibrating.

He looked at the ID.

"Home"

He answered the call.

"Serena, where the hell are you? I'm waiting, it doesn't take that long to get to the Hamptons and why did you save our number as "Home" in my phone, if I wanted to do that, I would have done it!" he yelled.

"Charles?"

"Lily?!"

"Yes."

"Why are you calling?" Chuck asked confused.

"Well you haven't been home for the last three days, even Eric didn't know where you were and five minutes ago my lawyer called and informed me, that $100.000 has been transferred from your account to a hospital in East Hampton. So I think it's pretty clear, why I am calling. Explain yourself, Charles", she demanded.

Chuck was taken by surprise, he didn't understand why she even cared, his father had never given a damn what he did, or how much money had been transferred from his accounts, they had enough money anyway.

"Look Lily, I didn't want you to worry about me, but a friend of mine needed help and I had to take care of it, I can't explain it right now, so please try to understand", he tried to wake the pity in her.

It didn't work, well not really, it didn't work the way he wanted it to work.

"Charles, if something is wrong than call me, but don't take actions on yourself. And please don't tell me that "a friend of yours" is in trouble because I know you're lying, all your friends are here in New York and nowhere near East Hampton. So try the truth for once", she said angrily.

"Lily, I'm not lying", he tried but was interrupted by her immediately.

"So you're not? Then tell me why was Serena complaining about you and some "slut" yesterday? Chuck, you have to understand that I'm not angry with you, I just want the best for you and I don't think that wasting money on random girl is the best for you."

Chuck breathed loudly in and out. Maybe it would be the best to tell her the truth- and maybe it wouldn't, but he needed to make a decision and if he wanted free access to his account he had to explain his actions. He just hoped Lily would understand.

"It's not a random girl I'm "wasting" my money on, Lily. It's Blair", he said throaty.

There was silence on the other end of the line, and suddenly Chuck realized that his world had been turned upside-down. Normally, he was the one who was in trouble, normally Blair was the one who bailed him out of the prisons, who got him out of some bar and brought him to her place to sober him up. Normally she was the one who took care of him and now it was the other way around. She had to take care of him, because he hadn't been ready to take care of himself, but he was able to do it now, he was able to take care of her as well.

His father had said that with a relationship comes great responsibility because you don't just have to take care of your own feelings but of your beloved as well. Ironically, that was the one thing Bart Bass was aware of, the one thing he ever truly understood, the one thing he taught his son, besides how to shut people out and put business before love.

"Oh, Charles", Lily's voice interrupted his thoughts flow. "What happened?"

"I think she overdosed, she's still unconscious and they won't let me see her, but I found pills and scotch with her, so I'm pretty sure…" he whispered and tried to hold back the tears that were about to stream down his cheeks again.

He wasn't afraid to show his feelings any more but he didn't want the whole world to know them as well.

"Oh my god. Does Serena know?"

"Yes, she's on her way:"

"Good. I'll come as soon as possible."

"What?" he asked confused, he was sure he misunderstood her.

"I'm coming", she repeated, "and I'll bring Eric with me."

"Lily, I don't know if that is a good idea…"

"Oh; I don't know either, but Blair is like a daughter to me, I've known her since she is born, I won't abandon her now, are Eleanor and Cyrus on their way back?"

The conviction in Lily's voice made Chuck shiver, but in a good way, it felt good to know that he wasn't the only one who cared for Blair.

"No, they are still on their honeymoon; I didn't even call Eleanor, yet. I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

Lily sighed.

"Charles, I know Eleanor hasn't been the best mother she could have been, but she changed. She has a right to know and Cyrus he and Blair a pretty close, you didn't notice all of that because you was too busy. But Blair has more than one father who cares for her and Eleanor, well Cyrus changed her the for better. I'll give her a call. Just be there for Blair right now. I'll take care of the rest."

"Thank you, Lily."

"You're welcome. If Blair wakes up, tell her that her family is coming- all of her family. Oh and Charles? Serena was right to save our number as "home" with that she finished the call, before Chuck even could say "Goodbye".

Chuck shook his head slightly and couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

"You can't choose your family" he said to himself while smiling genuinely.

"Mr Bass?" the nurse's voice reminded him of the reason he was here and he stopped smiling immediately.

"We're done with the tests; you can go and see your wife now. She's still unconscious and she'll probably sleep for awhile, but you can sit with her, if you'd like to."

She hadn't even finished the sentence when Chuck stormed out of the waiting room, when he was through the doors he noticed something.

"Fuck!" he coursed.

He pushed the door open again.

"Which room is she in?" he asked the confused nurse.

"203", she answered automatically.

Chuck was out of the room once again.

****

**I'll try to update as soon as possible, please review and leave some suggestions if you want to.**

**Writers live for feedback so please leave some; if you have the time :) your sweet reviews totally make my days!**


	9. monkey bar

**AN: I am so sorry this took so long. I was busy with exams :(**

**But you can't expect much with only two reviews…**

**I am actually thinking about abandoning the story because I don't know who's still reading and who is not.**

**Chapter 8**

Chuck stood in front of the white door. He reached out to enter but suddenly flinched back, as if he was burned.

He inhaled deeply, looked around and reached out again, opened the door and entered.

It was a simple room, white walls, white floor, white bed and white sheets.

Under the sheets lay a white figure.

He stepped closer and looked down at Blair. She looked so small and vulnerable. Her skin was too pale her ruby lips still blue. He gently took her hand, it was cold and it felt like wax.

He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb and kissed her fingertips.

"Don't do this to me", he whispered. "Don't do this ever again."

"Do you hear me, Blair? You can't do this, you can't tell me you love me and then just give up, you can't steal my heart and take it with you, without even asking, you can't leave and not even saying goodbye, you can't leave me at all. Do you know how much you scared me? The last time I was that scared was ages ago and even back then it was you I was worried about."

"_Serena, come with me to the monkey bar" a five year__s old Nate Archibald demanded._

_The blond girl looked up, she glared at the brunette right by her side and said: "Blair and I are playing house. I can't go with you, unless she can come, too."_

_She smiled at her best friend; she knew Blair had a thing for Nate._

"_Sure bring her along, Chuck is here either", he pointed at a quiet boy a few metres behind him._

_Both girls stood up and walked over to the boys. "Chuck these are Serena and Blair."_

_The boy just nodded and kept silent. So Blair rolled her eyes and stepped closer. "Hi, I am Blair Cornelia Waldorf, my Mother is Eleanor Waldorf, she's a designer", she announced proudly._

"_Chuck Bass, my father owns the Palace Hotel", replied Chuck in a "my father could buy your mother a hundred times" kind of way.._

_Blair__'s face felt but she pulled herself together quickly. "Nice to meet you", she lied with sweetness in her smile and ice in her eyes.._

"_You're pretty!" Chuck muttered._

_Blair blushed. "__**This boy is so awkward**__", she thought, __**"Awkward, but kind of cute."**_

"_You're strange", she replied._

"_I take that as a compliment."_

"_Guys? You want to play with us, or don't you?" Nate asked annoyed._

"_Um do we really have to climb?" Blair wanted to know._

"_Sure, that's the fun with it. Or are you scared? You don't have to come with us, if you don't want to."_

"_Well I'll come", Serena chuckled._

"_I'll as well, I am not scared", Blair hissed._

"_Great."_

_Nate smiled at Serena and Blair. "Chuck, what about you?"_

"_Been there done that."_

"_What you're scared?" Blair asked with bitterness in her voice._

"_No, I'm just not in the mood."_

"_You're such as spoilsport", she showed him her tongue, her mother would be shocked._

_But this boy was clearly new money he had no idea how a lady should act, so she could act the way she wanted around him, she could be herself._

"_Ugh. Fine princess, I'll do it."_

_Blair__'s face felt again. _

_They went over to the monkey bar and Blair locked up._

_Though she had claimed, she wasn't scared, she was. She was scared as hell._

"_You're a Waldorf" she repeated the words her mother used to tell her, when she did something unacceptable, "You have to act as one."_

_And a Waldorf surely wouldn't be scared of a monkey bar._

"_Who goes first?" she asked._

"_I'll go", Nate said happy about the opportunity to prove how athletic he was._

"_I'll follow", Serena demanded._

_Chuck and Blair shared a look and he read her like an open book, she maybe acted like a total bitch but he could see that she was just insecure and right now, she was pretty scared._

"_Ladies first", he said loudly and bowed to her, when he was near enough he whispered "I'll look after you, so you don't have to be scared."_

_Her eyes wined in surprise but she said "Thank you."_

_Only Chuck knew that this was the answer of his second sentence._

"_You're welcome."_

_He smirked, he liked her, and even though she had only eyes for Nate she seemed to like him, either at least a little bit._

_Nate climbed on the monkey bar and Serena followed him immediately. They were down again within two minutes and smiled brightly at each other._

"_So, Blair it's our time", Chuck said and pushed her slightly in direction monkey bar._

_She inhaled deeply started to climb, first slowly but she soon became surer and started to hurry because she wanted to be better than Serena, she wanted Nate to look at her; the way he did look at Serena._

"_Blair, slow down!" _

_She could answer, she just shock her head and hurried up again. Then she stopped, her arms hurt too much, she wasn't the type of girl, who did lots of sports, she was a girl who liked fashion and limos. She tried to hold on, but she failed and within seconds she felt. _

_The last thing, she heard was Chuck screaming "Blair!"_

_Then everything we__nt black._

_-----_

_Chuck jumped to earth and ran to her. "Call 911", he screamed._

_He knelt down beside her and turned her around._

"_Blair do you hear me? Blair, come on open you eyes."_

_She didn't do it, she didn't open her eyes, so he did the one thing, he had heard about. If the princess is unconscious you have to kiss her. So he leaned in and crushed his lips against hers. _

_It worked she opened her eyes._

"_What happened?" she asked and all of a sudden she was unconscious again._

"_Blair?!"_

_He stayed knelling beside her, holding her hand until the ambulance arrived. When the paramedics didn't allow him to come with her, he screamed and fought and at last he cried: "But I promised, I'll look after her!"_

_And a nice woman let him sat by her side all ride long._

"Do you remember when we were in kindergarten and you felt off the monkey bar? You scared me half to death. And I thought, if I kiss you; you'll weak up, you did, just for a few seconds, but you did. Do you think it'll work this time?"

He leaned to her and kissed her lips, they were still blue.

Her lips were cold; there was no life in them.

"After all it's just a fairy tale", he said.

He stoke over her hair.

"Blair you have to wake up, you can wake up, nothing will hurt you anymore because I'll be there for you, and I'll stand by you through anything."

He suddenly remembered where he had heard that sentence before and therefore he added another sentence.

"Because I love you."

"Well that's too bad", whispered a throaty voice. He flinched back and focused on the white figure, with pale skin and blue lips. Blair was finally awake, maybe fairy tales tell the truth after all.

**TBC?  
Please review to let me know who is still reading, if no one it reading anymore I'll abandon the story.**


	10. Signs

**Dear readers,**

**It's seems**** that I was wrong and there are actually a lot of you who are reading and enjoying my story.**

**So I won't abandon the story, but please keep the**** reviews up it helps me to write because it encourages me to. And when I see that you like my story I really want to write because I want to make you  
**

Oh and I am kinda betaless right now, my beta doesn't answer me anymore :( i am really sad about that because I don't know hat or if I did something wrong... would somebody like to beta?

**

* * *

Happy readings!

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 9**

"B-B-Blair", Chuck stuttered. He was so confused, how could she be suddenly awake, what happened? And then he realized that he didn't care; he was just so glad that she was awake. He had been so worried. He wanted to touch her and when he raised his hand to stroke over her still pale cheek her realized that he was still holding her hand.

At the same moment she looked down at her intertwined hands.

"Let go", she whispered but she didn't do anything to break the connection of their skin.

He shook his head.

"I said _let go_", she repeated.

"I don't want to_."_

"I don't care what you want; I cared long enough; I've spent the last past few months looking after you, being there for you. I put myself behind you because I wanted you to be happy, because I wanted what you wanted. But I'm tired of that Chuck, I can't do this anymore. So when are you going to tell me that I disappointed you, when are you going to say that I am insane to try to take my life… when are you going…" she broke up, she didn't know what to say, she waited for him to say the things she needed to hear, she was disappointed in herself and she had knew she was insane when she had taken the pills, she wanted him to say these things, so she could scream at her because she couldn't scream at herself.

"You shouldn't speak that much", he said low.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK I SHOULD…", she started to yell at him.

"I'll go and get a nurse", he interrupted her.

He left the room, never breaking their gaze as he made his way out.

When he closed the door as low as he managed to, he leaned against it and breathed deeply… in and out, in and out.

He closed his eyes and tried to bland out the pain that was growing in his heart, so he had been the reason she tried to kill herself. He somehow knew that before, but he didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to think that he was the one responsible. It's always easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself and Chuck Bass was a master when it came to pick the easiest way.

He didn't like complications but after all he had learned that he wouldn't get trough life without them… without a lot of them.

Blair was one of those complications, he wasn't suppose to fall in love, he never meant to feel anything for her but when he noticed that things changed it was already too late.

Blair was one of those complications but who knew that a complication could make you so happy… and so sad at the same time.

Chuck Bass hated complications, especially complications with girls but suddenly he couldn't imagine his life without these complications because then his life would be empty again and he would feel numb, and now that he tasted something from the bright side of life, he wasn't able to return to the shadows; and maybe he just didn't want to.

"Chuck!" a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Serena" he answered dry, without even opening his eyes.

She touched his face and whipped away the single tear that had managed to escape his eyes.

"Hey, look at me", she demanded.

And he did, he looked at his sister and then he noticed the group of people that was standing behind her.

"Lily, Eric, Nate, E-Eleanor", he greeted them.

He starred at Blair's mother, what was she doing here? She didn't care about Blair. Well at least not if she wasn't ruining the family name.

"Where is she?" she asked with worry in her voice.

Chuck's eyes wined in surprise and he pointed at the white door behind him.

"She's awake", he whispered, his voice weak.

"Who's with her right now?"

"No one."

"You left her alone?" Eleanor shouted.

"I was trying to find a doctor", he tried to defend himself.

"Aha. And would you mind explaining why the hell you told the nurse her name was Blair Bass?"

Chuck sat again in one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He was Chuck fucking Bass; he wasn't supposed to sit in hospitals and to stare at the door of a certain brunette's room.

He hadn't entered her room again, yet, he wanted so see her so badly but he wasn't sure if she wanted to see him.

He remembered the day when she broke her arm on the monkey bar.

* * *

"_Are you family?" the nurse asked him._

"_No, I am not family, but I want to see her", he repeated for the hundred time, he didn't understand, why the nurse didn't want him to see her._

"_You can't. Only her family is supposed to see her."_

_Chuck rolled his eyes and showed her his tongue._

_He was Chuck Bass he got anything he wanted… and a nurse wouldn't stop him from seeing Blair._

"_My name is Chuck Bass", he said._

"_Well, it's nice to meet you, Chuck", the nurse answered confused._

"_My father is Bart Bass", he added._

"_Aha."_

"_He owns the Palace Hotel."_

"_That must be lovely."_

"_He's pretty rich…"_

"_Good on you!"_

"_And if you won't let me see her, he'll get you fired within seconds", he said drastic._

_2 minutes later he stood in front of Blair's door._

_He breathed in deeply and knocked._

"_Come in", she answered._

_He opened the white, wooden door and entered._

"_Oh it'__s you", she sounded disappointed._

"_Yeah, it's me", he muttered low._

_She just looked at him as she'd see a ghost, she kept silent and he couldn't bare that._

"_So how are you?" he asked._

"_Actually pretty fine, I'm kind of tired because they gave me something against the pain but it doesn't hurt anymore" she said while she peered over his shoulder._

"_Look, I really am sorry, I know I said I'd look after you and I didn't, well I did, but I couldn't reach you anymore and so I tried to look after you… and … just… I am sorry."_

_He stuttered… why did he stutter? Chuck Bass didn't stutter._

"_I said I was fine, what was your name?"_

"_Chuck… Chuck Bass."_

_The name Bass had became an important and influential one but she acted like she didn't care. _

"_Ah yes, your father owns the Palace", she replied politely._

"_He does", Chuck smiled, he didn't smirk, no he smiled a real smile, and he even showed his teeth. _

"_Do you know where Serena and Nate are?" Blair wanted to know._

"_Um… the last time I saw them, they went back to the monkey bar…"_

"_They're not even here?"_

"_No, they wanted but the paramedics didn't allow them to."_

"_So how does it come that you're here?"_

"_I can be very convincing…"_

"_Yeah? Well, then try to convince me to like you."_

"_You're beautiful", he started._

"_You already told me that."_

"_You're smart."_

"_You met me about two hours ago and now you know that I am smart?"_

"_You have grace", he went on without even commenting her interruptions. _

"_And within those two hours I felt of the monkey bar and got in to a hospital, you're totally right I have grace…"_

"_You have wit."_

"_Go on."_

"_And I like you."_

"_There are many people who like me…"_

"_They don't like you the way I do."_

"_Then tell me Chuck Bass, in what kinds of way do you like me?"_

"_As I said I like you because you're beautiful but you are more than that. I like you for who you are inside."_

"_Because you know me that well", she told him sarcastically._

"_I do, I already know you better than I know myself. I can read you like an open book."_

"_Well, the book is shut, now please leave!"_

"_No."_

"_I said: Leave!"_

"_And I said: No!"_

"_Why don't you leave?"_

"_Because I don't want to."_

"_Do you always get what you want?" she asked him._

"_Yes."_

"_Me either…"_

"_So what are we going to do now?"_

"_You can stay but we're going to do what I want", she assumed._

"_Okay. What do you want to do?"_

"_Don't know, let's just watch a movie."_

"_Okay."_

"_Um, could you…" she pointed at the remote-control and then at her broken arm._

"_Sure" he chuckled. "For you anytime, princess."_

_She pocked her tongue out at him as her answer._

"_What do you want to watch?" he wanted to know._

"_Breakfast at Tiffany's" she answered automatically._

"_I don't know that movie."_

"_Well it's always shown somewhere", she told him._

_And she was right at an old culture channel, the film just started._

"_Ugh, let me guess it's a chick fling", he said._

"_No! It is a classic."_

"_As I said… a chick fling."_

_He climbed on her bed and she tried to push him away._

"_Stay on you damn chair!"_

"_But they are so uncomfortable", he complained. "And I don't want to hurt my back, besides did you notice? Chuck and Blair mixed makes Chair, that's a sign, now move."_

_She smiled, he was really cute and he had convinced her to like him, not that she'd ever tell him that._

_She made some room for him and he lay down beside her, when she slowly drove off to sleep he took her hand and didn't let go off it because he had promised her to look after her and he wouldn't fail another time.

* * *

  
_

_When Eleanor Waldorf entered the hospital she wasn't in a very good mood, she had to leave an important business appointment just because her daughter had broken her arm. That wasn'__t that bad, she wouldn't die because of a broken arm. And that business appointment had been very important it had been about her new founded Label "Eleanor Waldorf Designs"._

"_Blair Waldorf", she told the nurse at the reception desk. _

"_Room 216", the nurse answered._

_Eleanor went straight to the elevator without even saying "thanks"._

_While the elevator made its way up to the second floor she tipped impatiently with her foot._

"_Come on faster!" she demanded. _

_She looked at her watch while she walked down the corridor._

"_210, 211, 212, 213, 214, 215", she counted._

"_216."_

_She stopped in front of the door and entered without knocking. And then she suddenly stopped in her move. There in front of her lay two small figures intertwined with each other, the little boy with dark hair hold her daughter's hand and had tied an arm around her waist. Blair's leg was place over his hips and she snuggled deeply into his arms._

"_Mhh-mmh", Eleanor cleared her throat._

_The kids didn't wake up._

"_Blair!" she tried it again._

_This time it worked, Blair opened her eyes. _

"_Mom", she welcomed her happily and smiled brightly, she looked down at Chuck and pushed him away. _

_He moaned unhappily as he opened his eyes, then he suddenly sat up and focused Eleanor. _

"_Hello, you must be Blair's mother", he greeted her._

_She nodded to him and said: "I am and you must be the boy who just wanted to leave."_

"_I am", he replied__ and went out of the room, and he stayed there until she left and he returned to a crying Blair, held her hand and whipped away her tears.

* * *

  
_

The door was opened and Eleanor left the room.

"She wants to see you", she told him with a look that could have murdered him.

He stood up and wanted to push the door open but she held his arm and kept him away from entering the room.

"Don't you dare hurt her?!"

"I won't. I already hurt her enough but I am not the only one who did", he said and slipped out of her grip. He left her there thinking about what he just had said.

Then he entered the room.

* * *

**TBC**

**Please review!

* * *

****Okay nothing really happened in this chapter, I know and I am really sorry about that, but I have a kind of writer block… I don't know how to get trough this whole Chuck and Blair conversation so if you have any ideas feel free to let me know.**

**But I hope you enjoyed it anyway.**


	11. all good things come to an end

**Dear readers,**

**so this is**** he final chapter … at least for now ;) if you are interested in an epilogue or a sequel tell me, I'd love to write one :)**

**It's been so much fun to write this for you and I hope you had just as much fun as I did.**

**So it's after 12.30 am now, so I think I am going to bed, *eyes shutting* I worked really hard on this chapter so please review and let me know what you think about it. I just typed it up so I am sorry if there are many typing or grammar errors I am way too tired to look through it.

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**Happy readings

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**Chapter 11**

"Blair", Chuck whispered as he entered the room.

He sat down next to her and genuinely stroke over the white sheets of the hospital bed.

"Look", he said before she could say anything, he needed to explain his feelings to her, he needed to tell her how he felt, he needed her to understand.

"I don't know how to tell you this; I really don't know how to express everything I have felt within the last few hours. I know you're upset; I don't blame you for that because you have every right to be upset, I understand that. But you have to know, that I care about you, Waldorf. I care about you fucking damn much, I think I care about you much more than I care about myself. You mean something to me, you mean anything to me. When I found you in that bathroom I thought my whole world would crumble around me because without you there's nothing that keeps it together, there is no one who really understands me, there's no one who knows who I am really am, who I 'm not and who I want to be, you're the only one who knows me Blair. So what ever you want to do to yourself, don't do this to me, Blair. Don't leave me, I couldn't bare it. You fought for me Blair, I never expected anyone to fight for me because I never thought that anyone would care enough about me to fight for me; to be there, but you did Blair, you fought for me and you were there and all I did was screwing up over and over again.

All I was interested in was myself and I took all you gave regardless what you paid for it. I talked to my uncle Blair, I know everything. I know you're bulimic, I know you slept with him; I know you kept your secrets and I know that I should be upset, I should be angry with you but truth is I don't care, I don't care what you did, I don't care that you're ill. We'll get through this together and you'll be alright again, I know that all of this was my fault, you gave me anything and I took it. I never gave anything back to you, but you stayed by my side, now it's my turn. I am ready to be there for you, so what ever you're going through… I want to be there for you. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had… I would stand by you through anything. Because after all we went through together, after all the things you did for me, after every moment and memory we shared I know one thing exactly.

I may not be a perfect person, I may not be a gentleman or one of the princes you've been hoping for since we were maybe four years old, but I love you, Blair.

And I know that…"

Blair raised her hand, tears were streaming down her cheeks, she couldn't control them anymore, she couldn't fight them, and she couldn't wipe them away because he was holding her hands and she was completely sure that he wouldn't let go of them unless she would hurt him again, but she couldn't. She had sworn herself that she wouldn't show him how hurt she was, that she wouldn't tell him that his words had been killing her since they came over his lips, she had sworn herself to hurt him just as much as he had hurt her and there she was, lying in a hospital bed, in a white room, with white walls, white furniture and a pale looking Chuck Bass, she was covered in white sheets and all she could think about was that she hated the color white, that there was no other color she despised more, not even black, even though black remembered her of death.

But white was worse…

She remembered the brunch Bart Bass had hosted for his company

"_I'll tell him!"_

"_You know?"_

…_._

"_Blair either you forgive me and we'll move on or we'll end things."_

_She should have ended things with Nate right then._

She remembered the white party.

"_Three words eight letter, say it and I am yours."_

"_I…I…"_

"_Thank you that all I needed to hear!"_

_She shouldn't have left._

She remembered her first day of school in her senior year.

"_Break ups are easy. It's having to see them date someone else that's hard. Why do you think I rub it in Chuck's face every chance I get?"  
"A twisted version of foreplay?"_

"_Ignoring you."_

…

"_The lord and I better than ever."_

_She shouldn't have hooked up with Marcus in the first place._

Yes, white was really a sad color, black was much better.

"_Do you like me?"_

"_Define like!"_

…

"_The say if you love something you should set it free."_

"_The say if you hate something you should slam a door in its face."_

…

"_I went to Tuscany alone."_

"_I was the one who asked you two say it first."_

"_Yes and when you didn't I wanted to die!"_

…

"_Maybe in the future!"_

…

"_So your first time was with someone you loved?"_

"_Yes, it was!"_

…

"_What do we have Chuck?"_

"_Tonight."_

…

"_Because I love you!"_

"_Well, that's too bad."_

…

"_Or are you going to tell me you love me again?"_

Yes black was not that bad than white, but it did cause a lot of pain itself, because after all black is the color of darkness and not only children are afraid of the darkness, but Upper East Siders are as well.

"Chuck would you please shut up!" she demanded her voice still throaty but she managed to let it sound as drastic as possible.

"No Blair, not until you understand."

"I understand! I am not delusional. I am not dumb, just lonely and confused, you hear me Chuck Bass? Because this is the one and only time I'll admit this. You hurt me, in a way I never thought was possible. And now I'm broken… I really am, I am hurt, broken and I don't know if I can be fixed again, but if there's a possibility that I can be fixed again; then you can do it. So listen Chuck Bass, listen good and listen well, I love you, no matter what you did, no matter what you'll do. I loved you since that night at Victrola when you asked me if I was sure, I loved you when you send Gossip Girl that blast, I loved you when you compared me to one of your dad's old horses, I loved you when you abandoned me, I loved you when you hurt me over and over again, I tried to stop loving you but I failed. I can't not love you, maybe I even don't want to not love you, it makes me who I am. I am Blair Waldorf, the foolish girl, who will ever be in love with the world's biggest basshole and the worst part about it, is that I don't even know if I want to change that fact."

Chuck looked her in the eyes and touched her nose softly.

"Yeah, you really are a fool.

You must be a fool, if you think that I'd ever let you go, you most be a fool when you think I would accept the fact that you stopped loving me, you must be a fool if you really believe that I deserve better than you. Tell me Blair Waldorf, who is better for me than you? Who is less perfect but at the same time more perfect than you, and I know that you don't want to hear that Blair, but you're not perfect! … You're just perfect for me and I wouldn't change a single hair on your head you foolish girl… I wouldn't change who you are, even if you're a bitch and PMSing all the time, but I wouldn't change you, not if that means that we'd lost who we are and what we have.

I couldn't answer your question "what do we have Chuck" back then but I can answer it now…

What we have Blair is called love and our love is epic, so don't give up on it!"

Blair chuckled softly under tears.

"I never planned on giving up, Chuck. I never stopped hoping. Maybe I am foolish, maybe I am hopeless romantic sure is that I am hopeless in love with you."

"So do you think you can forgive me?" Chuck asked her.

Inside he was praying that she would say yes, he was crossing his finger for himself and he hoped with every fiber of his body that she would say yes, there was just no other possibility.

"No." She shook her head and gazed at their intertwined hands.

"No, I can't."

She looked up and their gazes met.

"I can not forgive you, Chuck. How can I forgive you something, I forgave the moment you did it. How can I forgive you something I forgave already?"

He smiled and stoke over he hair, he remembered something she had told him once.

"_Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair…"_

"You can seal it with a kiss", he replied low, leaned in and his lips crushed softly against hers.

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**FIN**

**And I think I'll just leave it there.**

If anyone is interested in an epilogue or a sequel just tell me I have plenty of ideas…

After all I just love complications ;)

**Please re****view make my sleepless night worth it.**


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